I called you after you died to hear again your ducky voice
on the answering machine.
For weeks you continued:
“This is Will at Bathrooms Restored, please leave a message
after the beep.”
But I never did. What was there to say?
Even before – what was there to say? You used to call
first thing in the morning, “Hey Richard, it’s Will,”
and I’d say, “Hey Will, what’s up?” We’d chew the bull, maybe
plan to meet that evening. “Will, there’s a concert at Carnegie,
I can get free tickets.”
And you would trudge over
wasted after a day of laying tiles,
then nod off during the Beethoven.
Who else could sleep through the “Ode to Joy”?
Later we’d go to an all-night cafe and you would yatter
about your nonexistent love life, and I would tell you mine.
Guy talk, unrepeatable mostly.
And then, go figure,
you were dying,
and I sat there with the gaunt shell of you
too stunned to speak, and you too sick to speak
(although we both knew that there was nothing left to say).
I could only hold you, but that didn’t feel right either:
two awkward and dry-eyed male animals clutching.
Give me a break!
Later, of course, the tears did come,
for me at least, when you moved upstate. I’m guessing
that you had already gone beyond the veil
where tears make sense.
On my last visit, your eyes, not exactly vacant,
but impenetrable wells, so purged of wanting
and of needing that they were no longer entirely human.
Was this the enlightenment that we both pursued to India
and beyond? Or maybe just pain, which also clears the deck
magnificently.
Or death. That will do it too. I’d like to ask.
But it has been years since your answering machine
stopped answering. And talk was never your thing,
Will, nor mine, when I was with you.
We understood each other without it
in those days before male bonding,
when no one said the word “love,” or needed to.
Richard Schiffman, a Manhattanite, is the author of What the Dust Doesn’t Know, a collection of poems published by Salmon Poetry in February 2017.
—
Originally published on Heart of a Man
Read more “Heart of a Man: Men’s Stories for Women” on The Good Men Project. Coming soon!
In the meantime, sign up to get email updates about the book here.
A step on the path to gender peace offers stories by men who are opening their hearts to women. the book is scheduled to be published in Summer of 2019.
—
It’s never too early to start talking about Father’s Day on The Good Men Project. We’re looking for sponsors and contributors for our #ModernDayDad campaign. https://t.co/WJvKqq2kTe pic.twitter.com/j66LNCY0VG
— The Good Men Project (@GoodMenProject) March 11, 2019
—
We celebrate Gay Pride all year long. But this year, we’re doing some special programing for a large-scale campaign #LoveEqually. We’re looking for both sponsors and contributors. Check it out! https://t.co/tkraXFPxLL pic.twitter.com/X2FlBEZb8Y
— The Good Men Project (@GoodMenProject) March 11, 2019
If you believe in the work we are doing here at The Good Men Project, please join us as a Premium Member, today.
All Premium Members get to view The Good Men Project with NO ADS.
A $50 annual membership gives you an all-access pass. You can be a part of every call, group, class, and community.
A $25 annual membership gives you access to one class, one Social Interest group, and our online communities.
A $12 annual membership gives you access to our Friday calls with the publisher, our online community.
Register New Account
Need more info? A complete list of benefits is here.
◊♦◊
Get the best stories from The Good Men Project delivered straight to your inbox, here.
Image ID: 1349769950
The post Buddies by Richard Schiffman appeared first on The Good Men Project.